don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
