make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
