My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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