I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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