Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
