..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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