i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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