Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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