i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
