Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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