I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
