after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
