Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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