T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
