I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
