do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Randomize
