I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
