I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
