Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How naked do you want me to be?
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