Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
