I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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