you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
