I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
