you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
