If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
