i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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