I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
