I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
