Your tits are I can't wait for
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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