none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my phone needs a breathalizer
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
thus making me awesome and them whores
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
