Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You've changed since you got that strap on
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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