we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i drank out of a bidet.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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