He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Randomize
