By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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