You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
