I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
