The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Fuck appropriateness.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
