a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
