The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
