I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
