i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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