In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
