Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you win again, gameday.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
