I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
