After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
