is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
