It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
