Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
