Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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