I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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