I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
As shirtless as possible
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
