he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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