I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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