We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
