Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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