Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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