party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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